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rite your love letter to an already chosen question for 10 minutes. You can write side by side or separate to write. As you write, keep in mind the person to whom you are writing, your spouse. Write for the full 10 minutes. Use the hot pen method. First answer the question in two or three sentences sharing your thoughts. Then, reflecting on your answer, get in touch with your feeling(s). Write your feelings honestly, openly and sincerely. Try not to blame anyone for how you are feeling. Try not to justify why you feel the way you do. Try not to change each other. Simply reveal more of yourself. This is not a time to solve problems or reach a decision. Describe your feelings in a way that will be relatable to your spouse.
xchange your love letter when you get together silently and lovingly, as this is a gift of yourselves to one another. Comments are not necessary. Do not try to influence your spouse before he/she has a chance to read your letter. Read each other's love letter twice silently. The first time read for the head. This is to get a basic understanding of the words. The second reading is for the heart. Go beyond the words and try to absorb the person and his/her feelings.
ialogue after you have read the letters twice. Decide which of you expressed the stronger feeling(s). Dialogue on the feeling(s) for 10 minutes. Remember that dialogue is for the sharing of feeling(s) with each other. Sit close to each other and give each other your full attention. Concentrate on asking questions that will "pull out" the feeling gently. Attempt to grow in awareness of one another. Once you have exhausted all the ways to describe the feeling(s) or 10 minutes is up the dialogue should be brought to closure.
elect a question for the next day's dialogue now. Do not wait or it may not happen. Choose a question about things that are pertinent to your relationship. Take turns choosing questions.
| PRIME TIME Choose a time to write that is best for you. This time does not have to be the same time for both spouses, but it has to be a time when you are able to write for a full 10 minutes without interruption. When you dialogue, choose a time when you both have 10 uninterrupted minutes for describing and discussing your feelings. |
| ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS It is impossible to share deeply in our letters or in our verbal dialogue, if we are distracted by TV, phones, children and other outside influences. |
